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Ronnie Soak [ Lollygagger ]
do czego prowadzi poprawnosc polityczna w Boze Narodzenie?
ekhm... przepraszam, nie Boze Narodzenie tylko Swieta Zimowe.
Dla znajacych angielski, wymiana maili dotyczacych imprezy bozonarodzeniowej. Sa one obowiazkowym punktem programu w firmach w UK i US, podobnie jak oplatek w PL. milej lektury!
Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th DECEMBER
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Patricia Harris , Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th December
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our ' Holiday Party.' The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patricia .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM; Patricia Harris , Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE : 6th December
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management believe £10.00 is a little cheap.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Patricia .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Patricia Harris , Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th December
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during day l i ght hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays a re allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too.
To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. And No, no blow-up sheep.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
Patricia .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Patricia Harris , Human Resources Director
TO: All F***** G Employees
DATE: 8 December
RE: The ******** Holiday Party.
Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it.
You'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feeling, too.
They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!!
Hope you all have a rotten holiday * drink, drive, and die!
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 12th December
RE: Patricia Harris and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patricia a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay. Kind Regards, Colin Jones
Pan P. [ 022 ]
Świetne. :-)
Ronnie Soak [ Lollygagger ]
wieczorny up...
Child of Bodom [ Woo Hoo! ]
Bardzo fajne, tolerancja :)
Narmo [ nikt ]
They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!!
techi [ All Hail Lelouch! ]
A tak offtopowo, to tak na serio?;D
Zygi82 [ Pretorianin ]
Genialne.
Swoja drogą to nie zdziwiłbym się, gdyby to było prawdziwe.
XaRaF [ Pretorianin ]
Dobre, na tą historyjkę nie natrafiłem.
Ronnie Soak - źródło jest jakieś książkowe czy z serii znalezione w mailu/sieci?
Sam posiadam dwie książeczki na temat PC z tej strony:
i lekturę mam świetną, choć na dłuższą metę i w większej dawce ilość głupoty/cwaniactwa czy czego tam jeszcze powala i przyprawia o bóle.
pao13(grecja) [ Silkroad Fan ]
Swietne ....
You'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feeling, too
Ronnie Soak [ Lollygagger ]
XaRaF - znalezione w mailu
Kharman [ ]
Heh... Jeszcze na zadnym Christmas Party nie bylem, ale kiedyś się wybiore bo z tego co slyszalem to bywa tam zabawnie. Zwłaszcza jak się nieodpowiednie osoby dopusci do alkoholu.
Ronnie Soak [ Lollygagger ]
Kharman - za czasow 'duzych budzetow' firma gdzie pracuje zrobila impreze, na ktora zaprosila najwazniejszych klientow. pozniej ludzie mowili, ze nie moga juz pracowac z tymi klientami, bo caly czas smieja sie jak tylko ich zobacza/uslysza. w tym roku sprzedano czesc firmy z tymi 'smiesznymi klientami', wiec ide na impreze zeby tylko sie najesc ... poza tym mam bilety na 'avatara' na ten sam wieczor :D
ogolnie takie x-mas parties sa po to, zeby sie napic/najesc na koszt pracodawcy. taka smieszna impreza integracyjna, ktora nic nie wnosi.
Indoctrine [ Her Miserable Servant ]
Smutne i niestety prawdziwe w pewnym sensie..
A jeszcze za jakiś czas, tego typu żarty z tych tematów będą zabronione :>
-=BROGI23=- [ Senator ]
Calkiem niezle :)
Sir klesk [ ...ślady jak sanek płoza ]
Patricia wydaje sie byc bardzo fajna i ciekawa osoba. ;))
nie rozumiem tylko dlaczego nerwy puscily jej dopiero przy wegetarianach :D
Ronnie Soak [ Lollygagger ]
Sir klesk - odpowiedz jest prosta. jezeli nerwy wysiadlyby jej przy zydach, oni i ich rodziny posciliby ciebie z torbami - ich banki zabralyby twoj samochod i twoj dom, a ty razem z dziecmi mieszkalbys pod mostem. jezeli nerwy padlyby ci przy muzulmanach, aby cie uspokoic ich pobratymcy wyslaliby swojego pokojowego negocjatora obwieszonego c4 do twojego domu, wiec ty z dziecmi mieszkalbys pod mostem. wegetarianin conajwyzej wychlostalby cie porem...
rog1234 [ Gold Cobra ]
Łoż, mocne.
Ronnie Soak [ Lollygagger ]
nie bede zakladal watku za kazdym razem jak dostane cos ciekawego mailem, a ze tekst ponizej rowniez mozna podciagnac pod PC...
SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2009
Scenario :
Jack goes rabbit shooting before school, pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.
1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's rifle, goes to his car and gets his rifle & chats with Jack about guns.
2009 - School goes into lock down, Tactical Response called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his ute or gun again..
Counsellors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario:
Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2009 - Police called, arrests Johnny and Mark.
Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
Both children go to anger management programs for 3 months.
School board hold meeting to implement bullying prevention programs
Scenario:
Robbie won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1957 - Robbie sent to office and given 6 of the best by the Principal.
Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2009 - Robbie given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie.
Tested for ADD. Robbie's parents get fortnightly disability payments and School
gets extra funding from state because Robbie has a disability.
Scenario :
Billy breaks a window in his neighbour's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to Uni, and becomes a successful businessman.
2009 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang.
State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison.
Scenario :
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark gets glass of water from Principal to take aspirin with.
2009 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations.
Car searched for drugs and weapons.
Scenario :
Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to Uni.
2009 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state.
Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist.
AFRE files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher.
English banned from core curriculum.
Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
Scenario :
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from Cracker night, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a bull ant nest.
1957 - Ants die.
2009- Tactical Response , Federal Police & Anti-terrorism Squad called.
Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, Federal Police investigate parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated.
Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
Scenario :
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary.
Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2009 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job.
She faces 3 years in Prison.
Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.