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dolomith [ Generaďż˝ ]
Dowcip po angielsku
Zna ktos jakis dobry dowcip w jezyku angielskim ??
Scofield [ Brains of the outfit ]
Brushing the Child
If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing his hair.
If this doesn't work, use the other side of the brush on the other end of the child.
ghoulas [ Centurion ]
Why is seven afraid of nine??
Cause seven ain't nine.
Cliffton [ Generaďż˝ ]
-What is Luke Skywalker's favourite car?
-Toyoda
beowulff [ Legend ]
hop in robin!
adamis [ Stop crying punkass! ]
Do wyboru, do koloru...
Jeden z moich ulubionych z tej stronki ;)
A Canadian is having his petit dejeuner (coffee, croissants, bread, butter jam) when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The Canadian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
American: "You Canada folk eat the whole bread??"
Canadian (in a bad mood): "Of course."
American: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We dont. In the States, we only eat what is inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Canada."
The American has a smirk on his face. The Canadian listens in silence.
The American persists: "Dya eat jelly with the bread??"
Canadian: "Of Course." American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We dont. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to Canada."
The Canadian then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"
American: "Why of course we do", the American says with a big smirk.
Canadian: And what do you do with the condoms once you ve used them?"
American: "We throw them away, of course."
Canadian: "We dont. In Canada, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America."
Tosser [ Generaďż˝ ]
adamis - hahaha dobre :D
beowulff [ Legend ]
<-adamis
Cliffton [ Generaďż˝ ]
--->
smuggler [ Patrycjusz ]
Control tower: Have you got enough fuel, or not?
F-16 pilot: Errr... uhmmm... yes.
Control tower [angrily]: Yes - what?
Pilot: YES, SIR!!!
Kumavan [ Bad to the bone ]
[6]
Zenedon_oi! [ Generaďż˝ ]
Why do Paki shops charge so much for their milk?
Because their daughters have very small tits.
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Nothing worse than after sex, looking down and seeing that limp used condom hanging off your dick...
Particularly when you weren't wearing one when you started.
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How do you make a snooker table laugh?
Put your hands in its pockets and tickle its balls.
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The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney.
The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.
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What's white on top and black on bottom?
Society.
St.Priest [ Centurion ]
A tu pół polski, pół angielski;]:
The latest poll taken by the Government asked people who live in Ireland if they think Polish immigration is a serious problem:
- 23% of respondents answered: Yes, it is a serious problem.
- 77% of respondents answered: Absolutnie żaden. To nie jest poważna kwestia.
benek1267 [ Pretorianin ]
[13]
adrem [ Soap Mac Tavish ]
[13]-->Było w CDA :)
[6]-->Jest dobre :]
Vismerhill [ Pretorianin ]
[6]
Golem6 [ Gorilla The Sixth ]
Gun Shop Owner: Hi, How can I help you?
Client: I am looking for a gun.
Owner: What kind of gun are you looking for?
Client: (pointing at the biggest handgun in the case): That one looks about right.
Owner: (very surprised): Why do you need a .44 magnum?
Client: It is for shooting at cans.
Owner: (pointing at a small handgun) Well, this is the perfect size for shooting at cans.
Client: (pointing again at the .44) Nah, I need this one.
Owner: OK, what kind of cans are you shooting at?
Client: Mexi-cans... Puerto Ri-cans... Afri-cans...
St.Priest [ Centurion ]
Golem6---> znałem, co nie zmienia faktu ze jest swietny
Ciekawe co by bylo gdyby ktos sprobowal go przetlumaczyc na polski...;]
-Journalist: Leo, why?
-Benhauer: For Money!!
U.V. Impaler [ Hurt me plenty ]
An Arabian guy at the airport:
- Name?
- Ahmed al-Rhazib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no… I mean male or female?
- Male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn’t that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer run too fast.
Orl@ndo [ Blade Runner ]
UVI, Golem
Znalem ale i tak swietne.
adrem [ Soap Mac Tavish ]
[19]
blazerx [ ]
[19]
bECKy [ how-you-doin? ]
[19]
tmk13 [ Konsul ]
- What would The Flintstones be called if they were black?
- Niggers.
- Two things you can't give a black guy?
- A fat lip and a black eye.
ghoulas [ Centurion ]
U.V. Impaler <--- tego nie znałem poprostu ROTFLMAO!! :D:D:D
grzesiek04 [ Konsul ]
Run Forrest,run!!!
darek_dragon [ 42 ]
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist? He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord? He said, Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.
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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied,
"When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So the next Sunday, he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon returning to his office, he found the following note on his door.
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 Disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T'.
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper, he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."
12) The Virgin Mary is not referred to as 'Mary with the Cherry'.
13) Recommended grace before a meal is not 'Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God'.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.