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Rzuci ktos okiem na moj angielski ?

15.09.2004
17:39
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[1]

Maevius [ Czarownik Budyniowy ]

Rzuci ktos okiem na moj angielski ?

Chodzi mi o bledy gramatyczne, leksykalne i pisownie w ponizszym wypracowaniu.


In a few years all of us – teenagers – will be thrown in at the deep end. Who will tell us what to do with our future? Who will help us to choose right proffesion for life?
I’ve been trying to make up my mind ever since I went to secoundary school.
Probably every job has some advantages and disadvantages, even one that nobody would freely decide to choose. Even beeing a butcher has to be of some quality.
At a first sight beeing a butcher give you lots of oportunities to express yourself, especially if you are a sadistic psycho. You’ll feel great with that beautiful huge knife in your hand and a poor helpless lamb in front of your strong person.
Besides this also a loving animals ones will find something interesting about beeing a butcher. They will find a plenty of time to spend with their beloved-ones, although it can be quiet strange for them to hug a dead cow.
What is more - if you are not really keen on talking with vegetarian maniacs, they will surely keep away from your stained with blood apron.
If we thing really hard we’ll certainly find some drawbacks of beeing a butcher.
First and foremost it isn’t a kind of proffesion that promises wonders, so you wion’t earn enough money to live a happy-hollywoood-life.
In adition to this your workplace – the slaughterhouse – is not a perfect place to take your children if the nursery school is closed.
You can’t deny that looking all day at the fresh warm blood could make you feel a little puzzled. Who knows what might happen then?
After considering all the pros and cons of beeing a butcher I can easyli state that, if you had been a child which always took apart a fluffy ear of pretty little teddybear’s head, beeing a butcher is just for you.Your mum will be so proud of you!

15.09.2004
17:57
[2]

Drixx [ Pretorianin ]

Jak się tak prosisz ;P to błędy: Secoundary powinno być Secondary, wion't (ALE JAJA) powinno być won't, easyli niejestem pewien , nursery też niejestem pewien i mum zamiast "U" powninno być "O" to narazie co moge powiedzieć

15.09.2004
18:00
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[3]

sebekg [ Generał ]

od kiedy piszemy o matce mom ?????????

15.09.2004
18:01
[4]

kiowas [ Legend ]

Pare bledow:
proffesion - profession
beloved-ones - bez myslnika
quiet strange - quite strange
we thing - we think
easyli - easyly

Jakos dziwnie widzi mi sie ponizsze zdanie:
Besides this also a loving animals ones will find something interesting about beeing a butcher.
Ja bym tu wywalil 'besides this' a zamiast 'animal loving ones' dal 'animal lovers' lub 'animal adorers'.

Mozesz tez cos dorzucic o pienieznych profitach - wierz lub nie ale rzeznik to teraz praktycznie najlepsza fucha w calej Europie.

15.09.2004
18:03
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[5]

sebekg [ Generał ]

"Kiowas" -------> to prawda szczera prawda:)

15.09.2004
19:13
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[6]

Bajt [ ]

kiowas, powinno byc easily a nie tak jak napisales
oprocz tego znalazlem takie bledy:
beeing => being
hollywoood ==> Holywood

15.09.2004
19:22
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[7]

klebe [ Chorąży ]

Jak masz problem ze slownictwem polecam stronke : slowniki.onet.pl sam tam zagladam jak mam jakis klopot. Niestety nie sprawdzja tam bledow leksykalnych ale zawsze cos ! :)

15.09.2004
19:50
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[8]

KaM1kAzE® [ BeeR GooD! ]

In a few years all of us – teenagers – will be thrown into a deep end. Who will tell us what to do with our future? Who will help us to choose right proffession for life?
(literówki i spójność zdania)

I’ve been trying to make up my mind ever since I went to secondary school.
(ok)

Probably every job has some advantages and disadvantages, even one that nobody would freely decide to choose.
(nie kumam o co biega z drugim zdaniem, translate into polish pliz? :])

Even being a butcher has to be of some quality.
(chyba ok...ale głowy nie dam)

At a first sight beeing a butcher gives you a lot of oportunities to express yourself, especially if you are a sadistic psycho. (<-- LOL! :]) You’ll feel great with that beautiful huge knife in your hand and a poor helpless lamb in front of your strong arm... AND WITH THE THOUGHT THAT ITS LIFE DEPENDS ON YOU.
(imo "arm" by lepiej brzmiało:]).

Besides this, also a loving animals people will find something interesting in being a butcher.
(gramatik! :])

They will find a plenty of time to spend with their beloved-ones, although it can be quite strange for them to hug a dead cow.
(hmmm, literówka?)

What is more - if you are not really keen on talking with vegetarian maniacs, they will surely keep away from your stained with blood apron.
(ok)

If we think really hard, we’ll certainly find some drawbacks of beeing a butcher.
(1 mistake :])

First and foremost it isn’t a kind of proffesion that promises wonders, so you won’t earn enough money to live a happy-hollywoood life.
(literówki)

In adition to this, your workplace – the slaughterhouse – is not a perfect place to take your children if the nursery school is closed.
(interpunkcja)

You can’t deny that looking all day at the fresh warm blood could make you feel a little puzzled. Who knows what might happen then?
(na 90% ok) :)

After considering all the pros and cons of beeing a butcher I can easily state that, if you had been a child, WHO always took apart a fluffy ear of pretty little teddybear’s head, beeing a butcher is just for you.Your mum will be VERY proud of you!

Nie jest źle z twoim angielskim, ale uważaj na literówki. Uzywasz tez czasem bardzo prostego, kolokwialnego języka pomieszanego z bardzo wyrafinowanymi słowami (np. What is more - if you are not really keen on talking with vegetarian ) Uzywaj jednego języka, takie pomieszanie z poplątaniem nie wygląda najlepiej :) Ale jak na poziomie FC jesteś to gratuluje! :)

______________________________________
sprawdzał:
KaM1kAzE® - student 2-go roku Anglistyki. :]
<=-- bE CooL --=> ™

15.09.2004
19:51
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[9]

KaM1kAzE® [ BeeR GooD! ]

[edit]

AHA!! jak zauważyłeś to juz poprawiłem te zdania w taki sposób, ze mniej więcej brzmia logicznie :) Tyle. Nerx :)

15.09.2004
20:06
[10]

Maevius [ Czarownik Budyniowy ]

Moja dziewczyna wam bardzo bardzo dziekuje za pomoc :)

15.09.2004
20:42
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[11]

childlike [ Konsul ]

kamiaze poprawil to ja sie nie bede nic kombinowal (jestem na pozomie FCE i pewnie w moich poprawkach bylo by sporo bledow) swoja droga ciekawe zadanie :]

15.09.2004
21:03
[12]

diabelek1 [ szczęśliwy ]

Czy nie ma czasem kategorii szkola??

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