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Mazio [ Mr.Offtopic ]
french military victories
szukalem czegos.. i oto co znalazlem.. heh.. nie tylko ja nie lubie francuzow... :)
Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose
two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to
get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other
participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as
chapeaux.
The Dutch War - Tied
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their
first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future
Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far
more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also
French.
The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat
boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and
Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the
Dien Bien Flu
Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by
a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
oksza [ Senator ]
<<-- screenshot :D
tylko żeby Polaków nikt tak nie podsumował, bo marnie skończymy.. :/
Xelloss [ Senator ]
Hehe, a pamięta ktoś, co się stanie jak w wiem.onet.pl wpisze sie "beznadzieja" :)?
a.i.n... [ Kenya believe it? ]
tak samo działa(ło)
Weapons of Mass Destruction i "szczęśliwy traf" :D
ZgReDeK [ Wredne Sępiszcze ]
Mazio ->kiedys byl watek o tym ale textyt byly po polsku :)
btw zajzyjcie na linka
r_ADM [ Konsul ]
proponuje wpisac w google "miserable failure"
Mazio [ Mr.Offtopic ]
r_ADM --> :)
eJay [ Gladiator ]
Hehe spoko
Mazio [ Mr.Offtopic ]
Podczas wojen Napoleonskich francuzi sie pytaja anglika dlaczego ten nosi czerwony mundur - przeciez bardzo latwo w taki trafic - na to anglik odpowiada ze na takim mundurze nie widac krwi i nie dziala to deprymujaco na towarzyszy - od tamtej pory francuzi nosza brazowe spodnie